Alexander McQueen, the“bad boy of British fashion,” was in the early days of his career when he spent a grand total of only one British pound making a dress. An influential U.S. fashion photographer somehow heard about the dress and, wanting to photograph it, paid to fly it over to New York on Concorde. At the time, a one-way trip from London to New York on the supersonic flight would have set him back almost 5000 pounds per seat.

“There was a seat for someone to take it and a seat for the dress,” recalls a friend of the fashion designer. “And it cost a quid. (McQueen) loved the humour of that, that he could take a bit of crap and make it into something.”

Earlier this week, when news broke that the mother of Taiwanese starlet Pace Wu’s (吳佩慈) common-law husband was arrested by the American government over visa violation issues, I was reminded of a piece I wrote several years ago, where I did the equivalent of taking a bit of crap and making it into something . The topic was serious (on Hong Kong’s National Security Law), but the material I used as illustration was “trashy,” referencing Pace Wu’s eyebrow-raising life choice of having four children out of wedlock with the son of a supposedly loaded woman.

My Pace Wu-inspired piece is in Chinese. I hope it stands as proof that the entertainment pages can sometimes be a gold mine for those interested in political commentary.

在國安法的陰霾下，我的靈魂伴侶是…吳佩慈

這個題目聽起來好像很荒謬，我這個身處於水深火熱的香港、隨時觸犯國安法的獨立雙語作家，跟已搭上大陸富豪、每天過着養尊處優的生活的吳佩慈，按理說反差應該不能更大才對！怎能說她是我的靈魂伴侶？

還是法國女作家 Marguerite Yourcenar 的洞察力獨到，她認為女人真實的一面是沒法用筆墨來形容，因她們的內心世界充滿了秘密，跟老式縫紉機一樣，有一格格的小櫃子，裏面堆滿着肉眼看不見的東西。我和吳佩慈年齡相若，我們這個年齡段的女人，雖然已不再年輕，但也還不算老。不過，殘酷的現實是，如果人生的重要目標沒趁這幾年落實，以後就更難有機會了，因社會對上了年紀的女人尤其苛刻。外界經常嘲笑吳佩慈，說她為了能嫁入豪門真拼命，五年內生了四胎，其實她也是一個人，也感到中年危機啊。她每懷一胎只重了9公斤， 生了那麽多孩子後還能零走樣，試問，有多少人追求目標時有她那種自律和執着？

在我看來，我和吳佩慈的共同點，在於我們有同一心病：天生麗質難自棄。吳佩慈長得那麽美，她對人生期望高是正常的，總不能要求她跟長相普通其他條件也普通的女人一樣，嫁個普通男人，過省吃儉用的日子，做個賢妻良母慢慢熬成黃臉婆吧！同樣，以我的英文文筆和識見，總不能要求我滿足於在被中共控制的媒體裏就職，每天潤色黨八股文章吧！

有人說我堅持不舔共，品格高尚甚麽的，其實我還真的沒顧及到道德方面的事。我只知道，如果我的人生在舔共中消磨，我會有深深的羞愧感，我對這種羞愧感的恐懼，大於我對被抓的恐懼，就這麽簡單。

當然，每天看到黃色陣營那麽多人被港共政權追殺，說不怕是騙人的。 每當我需要舒緩我的情緒，我就會搜索有關吳佩慈的新聞。她的日子也不那麽順，近一兩年富商男友頻頻傳出有財務危機，她每次都會站出來心平氣和地澄清他們家財務沒問題。我也應該效法她的能耐，以平常心看待我的處境。畢竟這些起伏都是追求自己夢想的代價，所以也應心甘情願地去承受。

Michelle Ng

英國牛津大學畢業，前《蘋果日報》和《眾新聞》專欄作家，現在身在楓葉國，心繫中國大陸和香港。

聯絡方式： michelleng.coach@proton.me
個人網站： https://michellengwritings.com